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Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Insecurity

Not only once or twice I have been thinking about these matters,
its already take almost more than half of my time to crucially think about it,
I am scared, I feel insecure and sometime I just think I can't do it.

The reason I write this post, I really want to comfort myself and I want to tell myself, I can do it even its look impossible. So many time, when I thought I couldn't do it but when the challenges passed I be able to get through it. So many things, I said I couldn't do it but when the time went by I be able to face it.

And dear, this time around is the same thing. It is just a piece of another taste sweetness of life. These obstacles wouldn't stay like forever. It wont!

Some people may say my obstacles isn't tougher then their. Yes, that's true. But, Allah does not burden His slave beyond what they can bear. Yours burden is perfectly designed for you. And my burden is perfectly designed for me. It won't be the same.

You may see my obstacles is just a tiny thing compared than yours but then why do you thing, I could not think the same like what you've been thinking? Why I could not think your burden is just a tiny thing than mine? Why I should deny I face nothing than yours? huh?

Hmm. Do not compare your level with someone's else level. Because we face different things, we live a life in different ways, we create our own journey in different story line. We might meet in the same spot in our pathway but we never be in the same journey until the end.

If I said it is tough, I just say in my own context. I don't have any mean to compare with other person's life. Hmmm..

Next semester will be tougher than other semester. I will take extra credit from others. I am scared I will be down throughout the next semester. I am scared I will cry over the night thinking how I can finish my study. I am scared I will be so stressful. I am scared if I feel hopeless.

But, the most scariest thing, I am scared if I decide to give up upon everything.

I pray to Allah over and over, just to allow me to be strong and brave. I pray to Allah over and over for Him to help me out whenever I don't find a way. I pray to Allah over and over, so He may stay with me until the last battle. I pray to Allah over and over so that I am fully rely on Him because I never can make myself to walk through this journey alone. I need Allah to help me and remind me, He is the only Helper.

And hopefully one day, I will proudly read this story again to my grandchildren and encourage them to pursue anything they want and 'shoo' off what makes them scare.

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Love
AH

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