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Wednesday, January 25, 2017

When things are too frustrating

Bismillah

Dear blog..
hmm
huh

sometime, I really feel I need someone to hear me
I won't ask too much from them
but, just hear me

I don't know how to put it in words
my heart is hurt right now
really hurt to be true
it feel like something sharp is stabbing my heart

I need someone who can hear me
hear what is inside my heart
hear what was burden me
it's okay, if they can't do anything for me
but, just to listen me solely

I just need that..

I have so many things I want to share,
thing I want to tell,
thing I want to let go,
but, I have no one who can really want to hear me.

so many people around me have thought that
I am strong enough to handle all my problems
I am too cool to face all the turbulence that come in my life
I am mature enough to deal with all the shits in this world
but, after all..
honestly, I am not!

people's expectations kill me
it drowned me
it scared me
it depressed me
it left me alone in my dark world

huh

I just can't bear it anymore
it is too hurt to be like this

I know people might say,
I am thinking too much with these stuff
but, then tell me how can I get off with all these stuff
if it is the things I have been drowned for so long?
it is all in my heart!

and maybe some people might say,
it is just my mindset
or it has something to do with my spiritual journey
huh, I don't know..

I really don't know..
because I don't have someone to tell me what it's okey and what it's not okey
I don't even have someone to talk to
I don't have someone who wants to hear me
I don't have someone who want to check me if I am okey or not
I have no one to be that someone

not even my family,
not even my friends,
everything with them, it just a good stories of me
because they only want to hear those things

no my flaws
no my weaknesses
no my cuts
no my brokenhearted
no my imperfection
no my bad, coldness and dying part

huhhh...

I just want to be with the one
who truly, willingly and sincerely want to handle all the NO's part in me
so that I can tell and share and open up everything inside me
and all the wounds will be healed
all the locks will be unlocked
all the holes will be filled
and the cold will be warmed
the tear will be wiped
the dark will be lighted up
the borders will be crashed

hmmm

I know..
my wish is too high to be reached
too hard to be fullfiled
maybe that someone I wish for
is doesn't even exist in this world

it is okey
I am just fine with these stuffs
I already bear it for so long
is okey to handle it for just little time more
life is shorter than we thought

if I don't have that someone
I still have that THE ONE
all for this while, He has handled me
when nobody hear me, He is the one who willing to listen everythings
though, I can't see Him
But I know He is always here with me

ain't?

Pantai Lampu'uk, Aceh.

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