My Journey

Pernah bercita-cita untuk menjadi seorang juruterbang wanita pertama Malaysia, tetapi sangat mencintai dan ingin mendalami ilmu biologi, namun telah dipanggil untuk menyahut cabaran dalam bidang seni bina walaubagaimanapun telah ditakdirkan menyambung kehidupan sebagai mahasiswi kejuruteraan elektrik-elektronik ketika ini. [3rd year survivor of electrical & electronic engineering student]

Instagram

Monday, June 26, 2017

apa yang ada disisi Allah itu lebih baik

Alhamdulillah, today is 1st syawal and every muslim celebrated Hari Raya with their own ways in joy and happiness insyaAllah. Here, your humble AH Blog writer wants to congratulate to every muslim who succeed to complete and accomplish your goals during in month of ramadhan. This eidul fitri is your celebration!

This raya is significantly different from my 21 years of eidul fitri. Why?

Because this raya, I celebrated eidul fitri without my parents around me. It quite tough at first but apparently one day had just gone by, so I could say I am survived! HuHuHu.

I am a type of family person. I am so clingy especially toward my mom. So, being away from my parents especially for a big day like eidul fitri somehow did test me ALOT! Don't mention how much tears I'd created for past few days. It's just like a waterfall dude! Duh....

However, being separated like this make me fully submitted and rely onto Allah. I felt closer to Him. My ramadhan this year was particularly different from other ramadhan. Whenever, I felt like wanting to pour and burst everything inside me, Allah made Himself the one who wanted to hear my stories the most. I would cry a river the moment I started to speak to Him. I was such a baby when I was telling everything to Him even though I knew He has already known everything, but it was such a beautiful feeling to do so and that feeling I couldn't describe.

Whenever Allah takes one part from me, He replaces another part which is much better and prettier than the one He took away from me. Alhamdulillahi ala kulli nikmah.

So, that is my two cents. Hopefully, AH Blog readers have a great time and enjoy every single nikmah Allah has given us. InsyaAllah.

So, before I end my post please allow me to dedicate my humble pantun for you guys!

Pagi raya disambut gembira
Pergi ke masjid nak solat raya
Makan ketupat janganlah lupa
Ucap bismillah dan bersyukur pada Nya

Ketupat dan rendang dijamah begitu saja
Enak dimakan sambil berbual mesra
Puasa sebulan mengumpul pahala
Habis puasa terus istiqomah ya!

Berjalan raya ziarah menziarahi
Hulurkan tangan saling memaafi
Dari penulis menyusun sepuluh jari
Mohon diampuni salah silap diri

Eid mubarak!

Love,
AH

Not the one who wears niqab :-)

Friday, June 23, 2017

Percaya sama Allah

Aku mungkin rasa ada kimia antara kita (chemistry?) dan aku juga rasa bila aku dan kamu ada banyak persamaan, we're suit for each other. Tapi, harini I come across to this ayah 


"Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu; Allah mengetahui, sedangkan kamu tidak mengetahui.” (Q2: 216)


Hidup ini bukan tentang soalan rasa aku. Atau rasa kamu.


Tapi, Allah.


Sebab aku dan kamu tidak punya apa2 pengetahuan selain sedikit yang Allah pinjamkan untuk kita tahu. Selebihnya, Allah saja yang tahu.


Ayat ni sangat meneutralkan. Sangat tak bias. Sangat mengembalikan seseorang manusia yang beriman berpijak pada realiti.


Kalau memang setiap takdir itu telah ditetapkan berlaku, walaupun kita sudah usaha sedaya untuk mengubahnya, walaupun kita telah berdoa sehabisnya untuk menukarnya, namun ia tidak mengikut seperti apa yang kita mahu, pasti takdir itu adalah yang terbaik menurut Allah untuk kita. Pasti! Yakin saja sama Allah yea. Percaya sama Allah bahawa Allah itu tidak akan mengecewakan kita.


Hari tu balik kerja nampak flyover concrete yang tiangnya kecik gila tapi tiang tu tampung base jalan yang besar kedabak. Dalam hati, engineer yg buat design ni salah calculation ke apa. Tapi, project run means everything's under control la. Of course la tiang tu sangat kukuh untuk menampung beban atas dia. Walaupun tubuhnya kecil tetapi jiwanya besar. Eh tetiba.


So dari sisi manusiawinya kita mungkin rasa kita seperti tiang itu nampak macam tak mampu untuk tampung certain ujian atau takdir yang Allah aturkan untuk kita. But hey, Allah is ultimately the BEST engineer ever. Allah tahu tahap mana kemampuan hambaNya. Allah tahu potential apa yang ada dalam diri hambaNya. You shud trust Him more than the one who designs this flyover. Okey?

Love,
AH

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Dear future husband

This letter I dedicate for my future husband whom I not know who is he but I hope one day if that person is meant to find this blog and find this post, I would humbly like to say, yea this is for you.

Why i need a long pre-introduction in every post hah? Duh!!

Because of my descriptive english is not so good, I better use malay language so that none of these lines lead to misunderstanding. So, here we go...

Wahai bakal suamiku,

Pertama kalinya, aku mahu kamu tahu aku bukan seperti kebanyakan gadis di luar sana, aku tidak memiliki kecantikan seperti kebanyakan gadis dimasa kini, aku tidak punya minat seperti kebanyakan gadis yang hidup di zaman serba moden ini. Pakaianku tidaklah trendy tapi apa adanya. Wajahku jarang sekali dioles make-up tapi apa adanya. Aku adalah aku. Aku hidup untuk memenuhi keinginan Tuhanku, aku hidup untuk meraih perhatian Tuhanku.

Aku punya masa silam. Aku punya jahiliyah diwaktu lalu. Tapi kini aku sedang mendaki sedikit demi sedikit tangga-tangga menuju ke Tuhanku. Aku sedang merangkak menuju ke Tuhanku. Aku sedang belajar mengenali dan mencintai Tuhanku. Dan aku akui, perjalanan menuju padaNya tidak mudah. Untuk istiqamah itu sangat mencabar. Adakala iman ku terbang tinggi mendakap ilahi, adakalamya iman ku tergolek menyembah bumi.

Wahai bakal suamiku,

Aku mahu kamu tahu, aku memilihmu adalah kerana agamamu. Aku memilihmu adalah kerana akhlakmu. Tidak lain, hanyalah itu. Masa silammu, kelemahanmu, kekuranganmu itu aku akan terima seadanya seperti mana kamu menerima aku seadanya untuk menjadi bakal isterimu.

Aku memilihmu kerana agama supaya aku dan kamu akan dijaga oleh Allah sehingga akhir hayat kita. Aku memilihmu kerana agama supaya cinta dan kasih sayang kita membawa kita sampai ke syurga. Aku memilihmu kerana agama supaya dari kita akan lahirnya benih-benih cinta yang soleh dan solehah, yang suatu hari nanti merekalah akan menjadi pembela agama dan manusia dan merekalah yang akan mendoakan kita bila kita sudah tiada. Aku memilihmu kerana agama kerana aku ingin menjadi ketua bidadari yang bisa mencemburukan bidadari-bidadari syurga yang sedia ada di dalam syurga. Aku memilihmu kerana agama kerana aku ingin bersamamu selama-lamanya.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Hari pertama praktikal di HUKM

This gonna be a helpful post for junior out there (hopefully) for their future internship. As some of you might knowing that (I guess), I was 3rd year electrical electronic engineering student from University Technology of Malaysia in skudai. And for your information, Uitm and UTM are different universities so please please please bear in mind because I am not gonna repeat that again because still quite a lot of people out there cannot differentiate between this 2 universities.

So, I'd just finish my 3rd year study and soon I will be in 4th year and it is my final year for my degree journey. Recently, I've been posting about my internship first day experience on my instagram. And few of my friends did ask me how my engineering study background can relate to clinical background since I am doing my internship in Hospital Univerisiti Kebangsaan Malaysia.

Basically, my major background is electrical-electronic engineering but starting from semester two 3rd year, I took Biomedical electronic as my minor. So, I took subjects anatomy and physiology of human plus medical instrumentation as part of biomedic field. And next semester, I will have clinical imaging, bio signal processing, bio modelling and so on. Anything related to tools that been use in medical field such MRI, CT scan and many more. From here, my engineering background can relate with clinical background and that is how I throw myself in Hospital and medical sector instead of being in industrial company.

So, during my 3 months of internship, I will do some research about image processing in MRI machine and what it is pros and cons from others machine and what improvement I could do on it and research about it. Meaning that, my pathway to postgrad journey become clearer. HUHUHU. Maybe :-D InsyaAllah. I think maybe this is one of the reasons why my journey designed and be eased like this, maybe Allah wants to prepare me to further my study in postgrad. If that so, may Allah ease for me :-)

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Tips membeli belah di Korea

Sedapnya air sirap bandung. Warnanya. Baunya. Kedinginan air tu sehingga butir-butir air menitis kat dinding gelas tu. Sungguh sangat menggoda jiwa dan raga. Slurppp.

Image result for Air bandung

Hari ini aku nak share tips membeli belah di Korea. Walaupun aku tidaklah pro mana tapi izinkan aku berkongsi sedikit pengalaman yang aku ada ni pada AH World supaya boleh menjadi rujukan (untuk aku terutamanya sebab aku sejenis maknenek yang mudah terlupa) pada mereka-mereka yang ingin bershopping sakan di Korea.

First of all, zaman aku pergi Korea dahulu, mata wang Korea masih rendah lagi. 1000 won dapat RM3, Sekarang kalau tidak silap 1000 won dapat RM3.80. Rasa macam tak nampak beza sangat kan? Okey, meh aku bagi example yang mudah. Harga makanan yang berat macam nasi atau mee yang berlauk dan semestinya halal, diyakini dan mengeyangkan so harga meal yang paling basic adalah 10 000 won. Masa zaman aku, harga sepinggan nasi 10 000 bersamaan RM30. Kalau sekarang sepinggan bersamaan RM38. Beza 8 ringgit weh!!!! Banyak tu!! Sekarang dah rasa nak tersedak tak? Itu baru saja keperluan asas seperti makanan, belum lagi yang lain. Lainlah kalau you all nak makan kebab hari-hari atau mi segera maka mungkin boleh cut the budget. Tapi, macam aku dulu tinggal lama sikit, muak juga makan benda yang sama.

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Pemergian yang dicemburui Kak Shea Rasol

This past few days, I've heard about death quite frequent. After Adik Syahid left us, then one of famous fashion blogger Kak Shearasol also left us. Her death gave impact to everyone who knew or not knowing her. I think I've heard about Kak Shearasol long time ago, at moment I start blogging. And few days before she meninggal dunia, I stalk her instagram and read her blog.

I must say, I got inspired with every single words she wrote. She is just an inspiring woman. Even I did
n't know her personally, I can see and feel what people around her and close to her say about it is true. She has kind heart with beautiful smile and happy face.

Allah. I read lot of feedback from her friends or some who knows her or been working with her, not even a single one say about bad things about her. And she died at jumaah in the most blessing month. She is honoured by Allah. I really hope I can meet her someday in jannah and tell her how amazing and inspiring she is even after she dies everyone still get benefit.

Kak Shea Rasol,
rehatlah sepuasnya.
Akak dah tak berada dalam kesakitan lagi dah.
Mesti best kan main kat dalam taman syurga tu.
Jealous tau!
Jumpa kat sana ye.
Dalam syurga.

Love,
AH

Cantiknya kak shea!

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Kehilangan yang memisahkan selamanya

Esok paper terakhir aku untuk perjalanan tahun 3 sebagai pelajar kejuruteraan elektrik-elektronik di UTM ni. Doakan semoga esok berjalan lancar dan dipermudahkan untuk aku dan kawan jawab paper esok dengan tenang.

Di saat aku sibuk nak revise balik untuk subjek esok, aku sempat scroll IG aku. Lalu, terkeluar berita mengenai adik syahid, anak Bazli UNIC baru pergi meninggalkan dunia ini. Inalillahi wainnalahirajiun. Sebak terasa dihati. Aku sejak dahulu mengikuti perkembangan adik Syahid, agak terasa kepergiannya. (Time nak taip ni pun terasa nak berair je mata)

Hari sudah mendengar dua berita kematian dan kedua-dua berita itu adalah dari anak kecil yang pergi meninggalkan dunia. Serius aku terasa, kalau lah semuda itu Allah boleh tarik nyawanya, apatah aku yang telah 22 tahun ini, pasti sahaja nama aku menunggu giliran seterusnya untuk dipanggil menghadap Allah.

Aku terfikir apakah benda yang aku boleh bawa sebagai bekalan aku disana? Apakah jawapan2 yang boleh aku jawab bila Allah tanya aku nanti?

Aku kelu.
Aku tidak pasti aku punya jawapan itu.
Aku tidak pasti aku bisa menjawab setiap lontaran soalan malaikat kubur nanti.
Selama 22 tahun aku hidup, apa yang sudah aku lakukan?

Hmmm.

Di satu sisi lain.

Aku tertanya bagaimana rasanya kehilangan orang yang kita sayang? Kehilangan yang memang kita tak akan nampak jasadnya lagi di dunia ini. Kehilangan yang memisahkan dua dunia.

Suaranya sudah tidak dapat didengari.
Sentuhanya sudah tidak dapat dirasai.

Aku tak boleh bayangkan perasaan itu,
Aku takut untuk membayangkan perasaan itu,
Aku takut jika diuji dengan ujian sebegitu.

Kerana itu aku selalu menangis bila mendengar berita tentang kematian sebab aku rasa kematian benar-benar pemisah satu jasad yang masih hidup dengan satu jasad yang sudah mati.

Macam mana kalau rindu?
Kalau yang jasad itu sudah kaku

Macam mana kalau perlu?
Kalau yang jasad itu sudah ditumbuni tanah dan batu

Macam mana kalau mahu?
Kalau yang jasad itu sudah tidak menyahut seperti dulu

Allah..

Aku takut untuk menghadapi saat itu
Tapi, kematian itu sesuatu yang pasti.
Tiada kejadian yang sepasti itu,
selain kematian yang menunggu

Jika saat itu tiba,
aku mengharap sangat aku bisa tenang dan redha untuk merelakan pemergiannya

Jika saat itu adalah aku,
aku mengharap aku bisa pergi dengan tenang dan diredhai semuanya

Aku juga mengharap agar saat itu adalah saat yang paling mengembirakan kerana aku bakal bertemu dengan penciptaku dan mengharap aku bakal disambut dengan ceremony dan paluan gendang yang cukup indah disana.

Buat Adik Syahid,
Aku pasti kau sedang tenang disana.
Semoga dapat ketemu lagi duhai Adik Syahid Bintang Syurga.
Kehilangan yang memisahkan selamanya tetapi itu cuma didunia
Moga2 ada pertemuan semula di Syurga sana

Image result for adik syahid


Thursday, June 1, 2017

Set our soul to be free

Salam ramadhan to everyone of you,

today is already 6 days we've been in this holy month. Alhamdulillah. And tomorrow is my second paper for my final examination. Make a du'a for me yea!

Throughout my life, I have faced some ridiculous phases that I've never been thought before. And one of it, rebellious phase. My teenage age is full of wondered questions. Some I already got the answer, some I still find it anyway.

I am not a good person. I did a lot of mistakes and still doing it. But, somehow I am trying to improve myself and struggling become someone better in future and at the same time I hope my existence gives benefit to people out there. Even though, it is just few people,but I wish these few people can be my witnesses and help me in the day of judgement. InsyaAllah.

Rebellious phase is the period when I feel everything's going against my direction. I feel nobody understand me. I feel no one wants to hear me. And thing I have to admit, during this phase living in malaysian's mentality sometime is quite tougher- common sense is peculiar thing for them. Some people I met, they tried to walk against culture normality but throughout the journey they lost humanity inside them. But, some people are well-performed in their journey but they lost others hands to hold together.

World is not cruel but we are. I was stuck between confusion but in somebody else's view I was trying to stop walking and make excuses. Then, when I tried to digest and want to explain, the arguments and judgments fell like bullet rain even I can't have a chance to explain. (maybe I unwillingly refuse to explain because the bullet already shot me dead)

But, today. I learn to forgive everything/everyone and make my heart at ease. I also learn to forget everything/everyone and make my move go faster. I don't want my past holds me. So, today I want to untie the ring that locked me for all this while. With His help, I want to set myself free and be free. I don't want to be shaped by human perception and expectation but only by His.

We only feel free when we know who are we and what we need to do in this dunya. And to get those answers, you have to read the manual from the one who created us because the manual is the only We-He guidance that we have, in order to survive in this dunya.

Ya muqalliban qulub, sabbik qulub ala deenik

Image result for free quotes

Marilah berusaha keras untuk ramadhan kali ini
Semoga Allah redha usaha kita dalam mendekati Dia.

Surah asy-syam

1. Demi matahari dan cahayanya di pagi hari,
2. dan bulan apabila mengiringinya,
3. dan siang apabila menampakkannya,
4. dan malam apabila menutupinya ,
5. dan langit serta pembinaannya,
6. dan bumi serta penghamparannya,
7. dan jiwa serta penyempurnaannya (ciptaannya),
8. maka Allah mengilhamkan kepada jiwa itu (jalan) kefasikan dan ketakwaannya,
9. sesungguhnya beruntunglah orang yang mensucikan jiwa itu,
10. dan sesungguhnya merugilah orang yang mengotorinya.
11. (Kaum) Tsamud telah mendustakan (rasulnya) karena mereka melampaui batas,
12. ketika bangkit orang yang paling celaka di antara mereka,
13. lalu Rasul Allah (Shaleh) berkata kepada mereka: ("Biarkanlah) unta betina Allah dan minumannya".
14. Lalu mereka mendustakannya dan menyembelih unta itu, maka Tuhan mereka membinasakan mereka disebabkan dosa mereka, lalu Allah menyama-ratakan mereka (dengan tanah),
15. dan Allah tidak takut terhadap akibat tindakan-Nya itu.

marilah pilih untuk menyucikan diri kerana orang2 yang mahu menyucikan diri itu adalah orang yang beruntung.

Love,
AH

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Intention

"Actions are according to intentions, and everyone will get what was intended. Whoever migrates with an intention for Allah and His messenger, the migration will be for the sake of Allah and his Messenger. And whoever migrates for worldly gain or to marry a woman, then his migration will be for the sake of whatever he migrated for." 
Related by Bukhari & Muslim

I begin my post with this hadith because this is the fundamental knowledge in Islamic culture. Alhamdulillah, today is our first ramadhan. I am grateful because I am still be given a chance to have this opportunity being in this holy month of ramadhan. Because it is our first day, why not I start my #ramadhanpost with something really basic yet important. InsyaAllah.

First time I knew about this hadith, I was startled because this hadith was like a sandwich. Everything was wrapping nicely inside it, fluffy bread, juicy meat, fresh veggie and homemade ketchup are wrapped amazingly and when you look at it, your mouth waters.

Fuh!
(forgive me for describing about food at this moment)

Okey, back to the hadith. Rasulullah saw said every action is according to its intention and everyone will get what was intended. If you wish to do a good deed, insyaAllah Allah will ease you to do that deed. If you wish to be a better person, insyaAllah Allah will help you to walk through the journey of being someone better. If you wish to know Allah closer, insyaAllah Allah will expose Himself to you so that you know Him better. If you wish to get any achievement in your live, insyaAllah Allah will drive yourself to obtain what you want.

BUT,
it has three type of situations

1) Allah will give directly whatever you want
2)Allah will hold your wish for some time and grant it at the right moment
3)Allah will replace something better than what you've wished for

and all three situations are benefit to human because only Allah knows the best for every single of His slave.

Furthermore, at the very last verse. There are two condition of examples been listed. One, the person who migrates because of Allah. The other one, the person who migrates because of woman (dunya matters). Even though this two person have different intention, but they will get what they have wanted.

I ponder why this hadith gives such example, why the arrangement of hadith like that. Then, I understand one thing. Allah is the most justice and mercy. He never forbids us to have intention for worldly matter as well as akhirah matters. And the reason this hadith begin with example for a person who migrates because of Allah, Allah actually wants to emphasize if you come to Allah and follow the step from rasulullah, Allah will grant you for both matters; worldly and akhirah.


Logically, worldly matters is something isn't permanent. So, it's just short term goal. But, meeting Allah and Rasulullah is a permanent goal. Being in paradise is long last goal. If you aim akhirah, you will get both dunya and akhirah. But if you aim world matter, you won't never reach akhirah.

Simple equation.

So, starting from today, let's aim something BIG because our journey is not end in this dunya. We have one big mission to be accomplished, it is gather with our Lord, Rasulullah and our family in jannah.

And,the big aim, start with little thing which is, intention.

You will get what was intended

Love,
AH

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Insecurity

not only once or twice I have been thinking about these matters,
its already take almost more than half of my time to crucially think about it,
I am scared, I feel insecure and sometime I just think I can't do it.

The reason I write this post, I really want to comfort myself and I want to tell myself, I can do it even its look impossible. So many time, when I thought I couldn't do it but when the challenges passed I be able to get through it. So many things, I said I couldn't do it but when the time went by I be able to face it.

And dear, this time around is the same thing. It is just a piece of another taste sweetness of life. These obstacles wouldn't stay like forever. It wont!

Some people may say my obstacles isn't tougher then their. Yes, that's true. But, Allah does not burden His slave beyond what they can bear. Yours burden is perfectly designed for you. And my burden is perfectly designed for me. It won't be the same.

You may see my obstacles is just a tiny thing compared than yours but then why do you thing, I could not think the same like what you've been thinking? Why I could not think your burden is just a tiny thing than mine? Why I should deny I face nothing than yours? huh?

Hmm. Do not compare your level with someone's else level. Because we face different things, we live a life in different ways, we create our own journey in different story line. We might meet in the same spot in our pathway but we never be in the same journey until the end.

If I said it is tough, I just say in my own context. I don't have any mean to compare with other person's life. Hmmm..

Next semester will be tougher than other semester. I will take extra credit from others. I am scared I will be down throughout the next semester. I am scared I will cry over the night thinking how I can finish my study. I am scared I will be so stressful. I am scared if I feel hopeless.

But, the most scariest thing, I am scared if I decide to give up upon everything.

I pray to Allah over and over, just to allow me to be strong and brave. I pray to Allah over and over for Him to help me out whenever I don't find a way. I pray to Allah over and over, so He may stay with me until the last battle. I pray to Allah over and over so that I am fully rely on Him because I never can make myself to walk through this journey alone. I need Allah to help me and remind me, He is the only Helper.

And hopefully one day, I will proudly read this story again to my grandchildren and encourage them to pursue anything they want and 'shoo' off what makes them scare.

Image result for happiness is a choice

Love
AH

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Ramadhan is coming, dear!

If I am not mistaken, ramadhan is just less than two weeks more. Personally, last few days I was still confuse what goals I wanted to set for this ramadhan for reason I could keep on track to do unlimited deeds. Then, what kind of improvement I wanted to make for myself so after ramadhan leave me, I would be someone much better than before. Something I could measure so that I am not being syok sendiri or perasaan sendiri while doing ibadah for Him. 

Then, I watched this video.



Its gives me rough idea what kind of ramadhan I shall have. Thanks Allah cause sending me this video. Hopefully, ramadhan 2017 will bring me closer to You and build me to be a good practicing muslim and be better person.

Ramadhan 2017 is different from other years because I will spent half of ramadhan at my workplace. And yeah, I want to share, I already get my internship placement. Alhamdulillah. Even though, I actually haven't decide yet either to do my intern there or wait another offer because there are few reasons I couldn't state here why I still not decide yet but doakanlah semoga Allah gives the best for me. If going there will make me a better person, may Allah ease it.


To be truth, I'd been waiting this offer quite a long time but when I get it now I feel uncertain. I already discuss with my parents and they said they will support whatever decision I make. Aduh!

Shall I go or not to go?
Go or not to go.
Go or not to go.
Go or not to go.

Is anyone here, have been working at PPUKM? Can you share your experience?

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

How do you eat NIPS?

I love chocolate VERY MUCH and one of my favorite is NIPS. I even have spontaneous habit while eating NIPS. And those who knows me well, will recognize what is the habit. NIPS has 5 different colors inside one packed. I will eat all the colors except one, I will keep the one for the best to be the last. I called that one is my color of happiness.


When I shared my NIPS with anyone, I will make sure my happiness NIPS won't be eaten by any of them. I said it to them, don't ever take that color or I won't share my NIPS with you for the rest of my life. HA-HA.

so, guess what color is my happiness NIPS? jeng.. jeng.. jeng... 

taraaaa

Friday, May 12, 2017

Wanita Hebat


Kali pertama aku mengenali dia
pada tanggal 13 September tahun 1995,
Namun dia telah mengenali ku
9 bulan lebih awal dari tarikh itu.

Malam ini izinkan aku menceritakan
segala yang hebat tentang dia,
kerana aku mahu dunia tahu
super hero itu memang benar-benar wujud

dia adalah guru pertama aku,
untuk setiap kali pertama cubaan aku
dalam mengenali dunia ini,
dia sentiasa ada bersama aku.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

What Aceh gave to me - Pulau Sabang

It's been awhile I tried to write this story, but I lacked with ideas and my hormone didn't work efficiently to activate my writing mood.

Last year, I went to Aceh for educational and spiritual trip. I called it, Trip To Find Who Am I In This World? So, it took one week for me and my friends to discover everything about Aceh; its histories, cultures, places, people and of course its foods! Well, it's not so everything but I must say I quite satisfied and blessed to have this chance to get there. Alhamdulillah.

Even though, the journey wasn't going smoothly as planned but every turn the plot twisted, it went to something much much much better. Well, Allah is the best planner after all :-)

Having a trip in big group and quite long time was great experiences, I learned so much things through them. It was not easy but it was good opportunities to build my inner side for the sake of goodness. Seriously! 

Basically, one of my favorite place in Aceh is Pulau Sabang. In Pulau Sabang, we found one place named Sumur Tiga, it has private beach that is super super beautiful and lovely. The sand is white, the sea water is very clear and I saw a cast of crabs on top of the rocks. I am truly falling in love with the scenery and I just feel want to build my own cottage and spend my whole life there.


Wednesday, May 10, 2017

The most DELICIOUS Mee Curry in Skudai

After we finished our test yesterday, we drove to Taman U to fill our tummy with some foods. And there we found one stall nearby Old Town Restaurant, selling Mee Curry and ABC and other malaysian foods.

I usually order either Mihoon Tomyam or Kuew Tiaw Kungfu for my meal whenever I eat outside campus, so yeah I just order Mihoon Tomyam without thinking much more. For me, nothing can beat these two dishes okey! But my friends ordered Mee Curry, they said Mee Curry is very familiar in this stall. When I looked around, everyone was eating mee curry. So, I a bit wondered how it taste looked like.

I love tauhu with mee curry

Sunday, May 7, 2017

How I envy Vivy Yusof

There is about almost three years I have been following this energetic and stylish woman, Vivy Yusof via media social. She is such an inspiring woman I must say and I guess everyone must agree with my statement, right? I knew her through her Instagram account (@vivyyusof).

It happened when one day the boredom really hits me, I was scrolling my explore looking some interests and then there one video about Daniel was speaking to Vivy in very genuine way, yeah I must admit he has very cute and handsome feature even he is just a kid. LOL. I was so amazed how she taught her son being such a perfect boy with polite manner at his age. And guess what, I repeat the video so many time! So.Many.Time. Until I ended up, scrolling her whole pictures and me being an unpaid stalker.

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Pengalaman pahit di Korea

Bila cerita tentang Korea semestinya dalam fikiran kita akan terbayang benda sweet-sweet, tempat-tempat romatis, oppa-oppa kacak atau unnie-unnie comel. Kalau tak terbayang, boleh tinggalkan blog ini dengan segera sebab anda tidak normal! Eh.

Aku nak kongsi pengalaman yang pahit ketika aku berada di Korea dulu. Secara ringkasnya, ayah aku pernah bekerja di Korea maka aku berpeluang pergi ke sana dua kali. Kali pertama tahun 2013 selama seminggu dan kali kedua tahun 2015 selama sebulan.

Masa tahun 2013 aku pergi, tidak ada pengalaman yang pahit sebab itu kali pertama aku datang dan berada disana pun tidak lama. Dan tak dapat jalan-jalan sangat sebab musim sejuk, waktu siang sangat sekejap. Ayah aku balik kerja dah gelap jadi tak dapat bawak kami jalan-jalan kecuali hujung minggu, itupun hanya ronda-ronda di bandar Busan dan sekitar bandar Okpo.
























Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Hang on, dear!

my 6th semester will be end very soon
and as usual, bila masuk 2nd part of semester,
adegen2 atau senario2 seperti berikut wajib berlaku.

1)Semua subjek ada assignment dan ianya perlu disubmit pada minggu yang sama

selalunya 2nd part of semester adalah waktu yang paling busy, stress and exhausted sebab semua benda nak disiapkan dan disubmit. Assignment, report, proposal tambah dengan quiz, test and paling besar final exam. ergh!

2)Clash waktu discussion antara group discussion yang berlainan subjek

Disebabkan setiap sem aku akan bertukar-tukar coursemate, tambah pula ada subjek-subjek tertentu yang tak sama dengan groupmate untuk subjek lain, jadi nak dapatkan chemistry dengan groupmate untuk certain subjek amatlah memakan masa. Dan bayangkan setiap subjek ada groupmate yang berbeza, so ceritanya memang agak frust bila nak buat meeting sebab masing-masing ada pe'el tersendiri. Dan clash bila nak buat group discussion tu memang selalu terjadi.

okey enough is enough dengan bebelan.
orang kata kehidupan masa belajar adalah moment paling best
so, lets enjoy the pain because through pain
we've learned so many things,
and we've grown.

Image result for we grow baby animal

Monday, May 1, 2017

Rindu yang tidak berjasad

Bismillah

pernahkah kau merindui seseorang
yang kau tak tahu pun siapakah orang yang kau rindu itu?

pernahkah kau merindui seseorang
yang kau tak pernah tahu kewujudan dia ada atau tidak di muka bumi ini?

pernahkah kau merindui seseorang
jasadnya, jiwanya, rohnya yang kau tak pernah jumpa selama kau hidup di dunia ini?

aku..
pernah :-)

aku tidak tahu jika perasaan ini normal bagi seorang manusia
tapi, apa yang aku hendak perkatakan,
rindu ini satu perasaan yang aneh

perasaan rindu ini
ia tidak sama seperti perasaan suka,
ataupun perasaan cinta,
ataupun perasaan marah,
atau perasaan benci

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Loneliness

sometime in the darkness of night
sometime in the brightness of daylight
sometime in the deepest place of heart
sometime in the outermost place of space
She can feel the feeling of wanting someone to hold her tightly
and tell her,
It's okay to be broken
It's okay to feel exhausted
It's okay to cry over what made her crush inside
because she is human.

but
in the end, she is waiting someone who'll never come
so, she puts everything she wants in her prayer
She bursts everything for Him to hear her
and how hopeless she can be

she wonders why she breaks so easily
but to heal is taking some times...

Monday, April 3, 2017

Place I plan to go in 2018

bismillah

setiap orang ada cita-cita tersendiri. Ada orang nak beli kereta best, ada orang nak beli rumah besar, ada orang nak dapat pekerjaan yang bagus so that boleh jana duit yang banyak. Kan? So, macam aku pergi travel adalah cita-cita terbesar aku. Aku suka jalan-jalan, lihat tempat baru, belajar culture baru, ambil gambar permandangan dan bangunan yang unik dan yang paling utama dapat blend diri dengar nature and new environment.

Aku bercita-cita untuk pergi banyak tempat kat bumi ni, walaupun tak lama, at least dapat lalu pun jadilah. Aku teringin nak gi travel yang ala2 backpacker macam matsaleh tu, guna public transport as main transport, dapat merasa tidur dalam train yang makan masa berhari-hari, dapat rasa pelbagai taste coffee kat tempat2 yang aku pergi, dapat capture sunset dan sunrise dan banyak lagi.

so far, antara tempat yang aku dah pergi;

Dalam malaysia
-Sabah
-Sarawak
-Terengganu
-Kedah
-Pahang
-Perak
-N.Sembilan (matrik)
-Selangor/KL (rumah)
-Johor (degree)
-P.Pinang
-Melaka (kampung)

Luar malaysia
-Brunei
-Aceh
-Korea

kalau dalam malaysia dua negeri yang aku belum jejak lagi, Perlis dan Kelantan. InsyaAllah, I will cover the two places this year. So, my next plan;

Upcoming place I plan to go next year
-Jakarta
-Jogja
-Palembang


Future plan in next two years
-Korea
-Japan
-Turki
-China

tapi dalam perancangan aku nak gi travel ni, aku juga tengah simpan duit untuk beli benda yang aku dok idam2: DSLR camera (kalau tak dapat dslr tapi dapat yang quality bagus pun okey je) dan gopro. Tapi problem sekarang, aku tak tahu nak jana duit dari mana, kalau setakat nak tunggu duit tajaan or duit parent memang lambat juga la.

so macam mana ye? ada idea tak?


Sunday, April 2, 2017

Studying in electrical-electronic engineering

Bismillah..

Hai everyone!
Today is my third day of midsem break
why it is so fast meh??? it is already three day. tsk tsk

I am feeling good tonight because I just bought new sneaker and sport shoe at BATA
and I got 30% discount for two pair shoes and it is just RM140++
neah, don't bother about me! It's just a happy me with new stuff.

So after 5 completed semester I've been through, what could I say, engineering is so hard and quite tough than what I have ever thought. I already failed 3 subjects and I need to repeat that subjects again. No more tears to pour anymore, sometime I just thinking of quitting. No engineering, no suffer. I guess.

But, quitting is not a solution that will solve the problem. No matter what, I just have to walk if I couldn't run, I just have to crawl if I couldn't walk. I just need to move, even it takes hundred years just for an inch away from where I am. Little by little. I always try to comfort myself to keep going and not giving up, sometime its work, sometime its takes time.

Electrical-electronic engineering in UTM is not same as E&E engineering at USM. E&E engineering is your bachelor study include electrical and electronic fields, but Electrical-electronics course in UTM, means your bachelor study will be narrowed to electronic as time goes by. In faculty of electrical engineering (FKE) in UTM, there have 3 major courses under the faculty;
1. Electrical engineering (Pure)
2. Electrical-electronic engineering
3. Electrical-mechatronics engineering

First year, every students will take basic electrical subject and no one is exceptional. And the famous subject in first year is circuit theory and it is the very fundamental subject in electrical course. Circuit theory is also known as sakit teori among the students. Hahaha. In circuit theory, I learnt thevenin theorem, nortan theorem, superposition theorem and bla bla bla. All ridiculous theorem you never believe they ever exist in this world. Trust me! At this stage, you really need good understanding for your better future. Not so much calculation but if you couldn't understand the concept and I believe you could never succeed to complete the calculation.

Second year, there will be a lil difference for pure, eletronic and mechatronic students in their subjects. Pure student will study further about power (power plant, transmission line), electronic student will study further about electronic stuff (all the tiny thingy) and mechatronic is combination of mechanical and electronic will further study about mechenical electronic stuff. At this stage, it will be tougher than the year before, you will be tested about you understanding plus, there will be a lot of calculations and formula to be remembered. I suffer a lot while in second year, the scariest subject is EMT. Yes, I failed that subject. And I have to discuss with my academic adviser either to repeat or what other step I need to do.

So as for now, I still in process regaining my momentum back. After so many failures I faced, now it is time to counter back. May Allah help me and bless me in this journey. I want to become an useful people for ummat and world. And also,please please please pray for me on getting my internship placement. I have about less than 2 months to start my internship but I haven't found any place yet.


Doakan saya ye.
Sampai sini saja, nanti kalau rajin saya cerita lagi.
With love, AH.



Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Lepasan SPM // Life After SPM

bismillah

Today, I eagerly plus quite excited while writing this post because I would like to share my SPM's after life and how I bumped into engineering study after lots of drama did happen throughout this dramatic journey. Plus, for your information I and my not-so-good friend, Mr Physics were having not so good relationship since school back then, but now I ended up taking engineering as my study and part of my life. Erk, maybe. Haha. I might say our relationship were never working even when I further my study in matriculation. I never had interest to this guy because he always make my life complicated.

So, whoever ever read my simple description on top of my blog, simply and shortly will understand the journey I mean about. For those who didn't read yet, go and read now! If you're lazy enough to not to do so, I am more lazy than you to screenshot and put it here. Okey? Such a spoon-feed baby! *please read it with adele tone* Haha.

Let me introduce my journey a lil bit, but before that, I just want to let you know, I might not be a good writer as well as a good adviser, but everything I write here, if it is benefit for you, please take it. If it is not, just throw it in a dustbin or ignore it, okey? So, I finished my secondary school at 2010 and my SPM result is not so good but not too bad too. It is just so-so. During school day, I was not an excellent student but just being good at the thing I love so much. I am good at mathematics (only in school time because in university time mathematics is sooo difficult) but partially love in biology. Why partially? Because I am just interest in human anatomy and physiology but I got frustrated on the others chapters such plants and animals. I didn't like it at all.

So after I got my result, then I received an offer letter from Uitm to further my study in architecture. Wait a minute, why so sudden I got a letter from Uitm? Basically, I don't have any background on this field because when I was form 4, I dropped the 'Lukisan Kejuruteraan' subject because I can't handle it and to be honest being surrounded by so many men in class is not so me back in school. But, actually that is not the only reason why I dropped this subject. So back to the topic, I do love buildings and any arts were created in this world and I appreciate every single curves and lines that was interpreted in one piece of paper that could've told everything in there. So, I gave some space for myself to try, even though I might no have the ability of drawing nicely or the art hands. But, if I don't try, I never know the result, right?

I went to the interview and having a drawing test. Yeah, it quite tougher than I thought because I competed with some other candidates which were away better than me apparently. During interviewing day, I made some friends, most of them were graduated from Diploma, some others were just finished their foundation and matriculation. And I, the one who just finished my SPM level, maybe there some other candidates who were in same level with me, but I didn't found them on that day. So, speaking about level, I was the youngest among them, not so much experiences and not bringing any drawings to be showing off. Because I don't have one. Haha. But, it was a great experience to be a part of the candidates. After I finished be interviewed, I made a judgment, I could see my future was not with this drawing stuff, because I knew being with the thing you can't falling in love everyday, it will be hard for you to survive. Architecture is quite interesting journey I may say, but I couldn't make my life lives at stake because I am not good at drawing. Seriously.

Before the result from Uitm came out, I decided to further my study in matriculation. At first, I was in modul 1 (Physics, Biology and Chemistry) but, suddenly I was not so confident in taking physics and biology class. But. I could've to choose to drop only one subject. So, I decided to dropped biology because when I went through all the chapters would be teaching, it had more chapters I hated than the chapter I loved. Then, I was placed in modul 2 (Physics, Chemistry and Computer Science), It is quite sad leaving biology after I already learned it in school for two years but,I had to choose anyway. By the way, computer science is very interesting subject. I always score and get the highest mark in class. Alhamdulillah, I improved my study a lot. One of the factors is the lecturers itself. They are very optimist and supportive. So, I am doing well during my matriculation time. And, time flew so fast even I could not notice it. My CGPA was good, so I applied UTM and UM to further my study through UPU website. I was certainly unsure to further in what course for my first degree.

My mom not allowed me to take engineering at first because she said that fiels is for men and she always persuade me to become a teacher or nurse. I didn't know why, maybe she wanted one of her children working with government (because your parent will get benefit if their children work under government such as medical issue or bank, i don't know). I got quite confuse but after I did some researches, I ended up choosing Electrical-Electronic Engineering and Biomedical Engineering at UTM and UM as my choice. Two courses for two universities. Alhamdulillah, I got my first choice which is Electrical-electronic engineering at UTM.

I will continue writing about my journey as electrical-electronics engineering student at UTM, and how my life is going on, and how I ended taking biology class again in 3rd year of my degree journey. Is it a tough journey?

Wait patiently, I will continue soon.
I have a test this night, please pray for me!
If you have any question, please drop in comment box.
Thank you for reading.


Lab

Electronic stuff




Friday, March 17, 2017

Start all over again

Image result for quotes about life facebook covers
insyaAllah, witnessed by this Friday which full with barakah,
it is new beginning for me
it never late to start all over again

journey to find Him
and to know Him better
and start to love Him without any doubt

help me ya Rabb,
I know you hear me
guide me ya Rabb
guide me..

I may fall several time again
but please promise me,
You are the only one who will raise me up back

Allahu ghoyatunna

Sunday, March 12, 2017

healing

I may not the same person as you know before,
So are you..

I may not treat you as same as before,
because the pain that hits me did change me
So I am different...

Can I ask you one permission?
Could you understand me without any judgement in your mind?

I am sorry
I am really sorry

I can't meet your expectation

I don't blame you for the pain
But, just give me some times to forget
you are the cause of the pain

I am healing
I promise I will be healed one day

May Allah help me to heal.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

sesaat rasa (2)

maybe you don't lose him
maybe you don't lose people who loves you

but you lose Allah
the one who gives you everything

maybe..

Friday, February 24, 2017

Sesaat rasa (1)

Bismillah

Kadang-kadang kita cuba tutup kekecewaan kita dengan
Ignore semua benda sekeliling kita
Lalu akhirnya kita jadi seorang yang ignorance

Persoalannya,
Salahnya ada pada kekecewaan itu
Atau kita yang tak berlapang dada?

Mungkin,
Kita taknak let go kekecewaan itu sebenarnya
Sebab kita ego,
Kita taknak orang lain buat same mistake lagi
Dan kita taknak bagi orang lain peluang lagi
Dan kita rasa terlalu tak layak untuk terluka lagi
Atas kesalahan yang sama

Benarkah?

Peluang dan harapan yang selalu kita harap untuk kita
Kita tak pernah bagi untuk orang lain
Maka layakkah kita?

Mulai hari ini
Jomlah belajar memberi peluang tanpa lelah
Jomlah belajar berlapang dada tanpa mengira masa

Kita tak sempurna,
Apatah lagi orang lain.


-untuk aku yang selalu lupa

Sunday, February 19, 2017

sesaat rasa

jika suatu hari nanti aku tidak mampu menulis lagi,
aku sangat mengharap agar hati ini tidak turut mati.


hati ini, ingin aku isikan dengan kebahagiaan,
namun mana mungkin kebahagiaan itu akan kekal.


saat perasaan ini rasa untuk pergi,
tidak akan dia pinta keizinan untuk pergi,
apa yang dia lakukan 
dia pergi dalam senyap dan sunyi


huh


serabutnya memikirkan

Sunday, February 5, 2017

B.A.N || Bab 5

"Hello, Miss. Are you from Malaysia?"
sapa seorang lelaki yang duduk di seat sebelah Aishah. Lelaki itu bermata sepet, kulitnya sangat cerah bagi seorang lelaki, bibirnya berwarna merah jambu natural, rambutnya dipotong ala-ala gaya lelaki korean.

Aishah tergaman seketika. 
'Cantiknya!'
hati Aishah berbisik.

Itu pertama kali Aishah melihat seorang lelaki yang berwajah cantik walaupun sebenarnya cantik tu sangat sinonim dengan wanita. Tetapi, kali ini ia ada pada lelaki.

"Oh, yes I am from Malaysia"
balas Aishah selepas dia perasan lelaki itu lama memandang wajahnya, Aishah cepat-cepat mengalihkan pandangannya ke bawah. Malu.

"My name is Farizat Haris, but you can call me Ejat. Nama awak siapa? Seorang sahaja ke dalam flight ni?"
tanya lelaki itu dengan senyuman manis di bibirnya. Walaupun lelaki itu berwajah kacukan, tetapi lelaki itu fasih berbahasa melayu sehingga tidak ada sedikit pun logat yang tercampur.

"Boleh panggil saya Aishah. Ya, saya seorang saja"
balas Aishah tanpa memandang lelaki yang duduk disebelahnya. Bukan dia tidak berminat untuk berbual dengan lelaki itu, tetapi dia cuma tidak selesa bila berjumpa dengan orang baru.

Kapten kapal sudah buat pengumuman menandakan kapal bakal berlepas dalam beberapa minit lagi. Crew cabin menunjukan demo keselamatan semasa dalam kapal terbang. Aishah membetulkan tali pinggang keselamatannya untuk dia duduk lebih selesa. Aishah duduk di sebelah tingkap dan di kanannya lelaki yang berwajah kacukan tadi.

Aishah memandang ke tingkap, tempat duduknya berada di atas sayap kapal terbang. Pandangan Aishah kosong, sekosong hatinya sekarang ini. Kapal terbang yang dinaikinya sudah berada dilandasan untuk berlepas. Aishah menarik nafas panjang, dalam hati dia berdoa semoga perjalanannya selamat.

Kapal terbang itu laju membelah awan yang berkepul-kepul, kadangkala terasa gegaran pada kapal terbang itu. Telinga Aishah terasa sedikit berdegung akhibat perubahan tekanan ditempat tinggi. Aishah mengeluarkan gula getah dari beg tangan dia lalu dia menguyah gula getah itu untuk menghilangkan sembu pada telinga dia.

Selepas beberapa minit,  kapal itu sudah berapa di posisi yang stabil di atas udara. Lampu tali pinggang sudah dipadamkan menandakan penumpang boleh membuka tali pinggang yang dipakai untuk ke tandas tetapi untuk tujuan keselamatan penumpang dinasihati untuk terus memakainya.

Aishah merebahkan sedikit tempat sandar kerusinya, dia mencari posisi yang sesuai untuk melelapkan mata dengan keadaan lelaki disebelahnya yang membuat dia tidak bebas untuk tidur sesuka hati. Lelaki tadi, leka membelek majalah yang disediakan dalam kapal terbang itu.Kerusi di sebelah lelaki itu tidak berpenghuni, maknanya di barisan itu hanya mereka berdua sahaja yang duduk.

Mata Aishah mula mengatuk, badannya terasa penat kerana sejak pagi dia tidak rehat selapas saja dia menghantar laporan pada pengarah dan surat untuk bercuti tanpa gaji, Aishah terus pulang ke rumah dan bersiap untuk berangkat ke airport. Disaat mata Aishah mahu tertutup, Aishah terasa tempat sandar kerusi disebelahnya rebah sedikit, tetapi mata Aishah tak berdaya untuk buka lalu Aishah melayan sahaja ngantuknya.

"Excuse me, sir. Sorry for disturbing you.This is your meal that you booked. Would you like to eat now or later?"
Ejat yang sejak tadi mengelamun, terkejut dengan sapaan pramugari yang sedang memegang dulang untuk memberi makanan padanya.

"Oh, ya. It's okey."
Ejat buka meja kecil di hadapannya untuk membenarkan pramugari itu meletak makanannya.

"Lady beside you, is she fall asleep?"
tanya pramugari dengan lembut.

"Ya, she is sleeping. She might be too tired, I guess. You want to give her meal, isn't? She may be quite hungry when she wake up, I think you should put her meal here then when she's up, I will pass it to her."
jelas Ejat pada pramugari itu sambil dibukakan meja kecil di kerusi sebelah kirinya yang tidak ada penghunu untuk diletakkan makanan Aishah.

Ejat tidak mahu menganggu tidur Aishah sebab dari bunyi dengkuran halusnya, Ejat yakin Aishah sedang kepenatan. Kerana itu Ejat tidak jadi untuk meneruskan perbualannya dengan Aishah semasa kapal terbang belum berlepas tadi. Ikutkan hati Ejat, banyak lagi dia ingin bertanya pada Aishah. Tetapi dia menangguhkan hasratnya dahulu.





















"By the way, Miss, can you get for me a blanket?"
pinta Ejat sebelum pramugari itu pergi.

"Okey, sure."
balas pramugari itu.

Selepas beberapa minit, pramugari itu datang kembali dengan membawa selimut berwarna merah lalu diberi pada Ejat.

"Thank you"
Ejat mengucapkan terima kasih pada pramugari itu sambil dilemparkan senyuman padanya.

Selimut yang sudah bertukar tangan itu Ejat bukanya dari lipatan, lalu diselimutkan pada badan Aishah. Kerana sejak tadi, Ejat melihat Aishah mengosok lengannya seperti kesejukan tetapi matanya masih tertutup katup. Ejat jatuh kesian, dalam fikirannya dia fikir mungkin Aishah kesejukan tetapi kerana kepenatan yang Aishah alami sehingga menyebab Aishah tidak larat membuka mata.

Aishah mengalihkan badannya ke kiri, tangannya dibawah dagu menampung wajahnya. Ejat menyandarkan badannya ke kerusi, badannya dikalih ke kanan. Wajahnya dan wajah Aishah hanya jauh beberapa jarak, Ejat merenung wajah Aishah yang kelihatan sangat lena dan tenang, dari mata, ke hidung, ke pipi hingga ke bibir.Mata Ejat terberhenti disitu.

'Cantiknya.'
bisik Ejat.

Lama Ejat merenung wajah Aishah, sehingga dia pun turut terlena.

#bab5
#belumadanama
#novel

Baca bab sebelum:

Bab 1,2,3,4

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

How puberty hits me

Bismillah

Hai daer blog!
Anyeonghaseyo!

today is first febuary,
Allahu rabbi..
time flew so fast without I even notice it
this year, my age will increase by one
so its mean I will turn 22 years old

somehow these days
I have been worrying about my age
I dont know, throughout my life time,
what I have been reached or gained or achieved so far
I am pretty sure there has no big accomplishment I have gained
too bad, aint?

I am still struggling with my degree
I have no money in my bank
I have nothing to rely on in this imaginary world; job, saving, etc
so many things are unsure

but one thing I learnt from my usrah back day,
to live in this world,
we have to know the purpose of our life
then, we have to understand the purpose of our life
then, we have to act the purpose of our life
and it is a process that will never end until you're dead

so what it is?
what is the purpose of our life?
things that will make us clear about what we are doing in this world
things that will prioritize everything in our system of life
things that will tie us from being far away to the Creator of the world

Surah al-baqarah 2:31 (telling about khalifah)
Surah adz-zariyat 51:56 (telling about abid)

khalifah and abid
is not as simple as its words
because behind this title
it bear a very huge responsibility

and what's matter now is
how to be a good khalifah and abid in a way Allah's desire?
so there is a long process

hmm
I really hope I can understand well how its work
but my bad
human are too complicated too handle
hmm..

however...
I am trying to be optimist
if the process doesn't work with some people,
it doesn't mean it will never work,
maybe I should try with another people,
hopefully it might work
as long as I don't give up
there are always exist some way out

because Allah Himself said
He never let His slave alone
when He close one path, He will open another path
but, our intention must count
so that the another path is the better path He choose for us
hold tight to Him
be sincere
be happy
that is all the matter

so what I can conclude with all my thoughtful mind
there are nothing to worry about what is waiting us ahead
as long as we believe who is holding everything that wait us ahead

ya muqalliban qulub
sabit qulub ala deenik

wahai tuhan yang membolak balikkan hati,
tetapkan hati ini dalam agamaMu

till then




















gambar lama

Friday, January 27, 2017

B.A.N || Bab 4

Anisa mematikan enjin keretanya. Kereta Vios putih diparkir bersebelahan dengan kereta Swiff kelabu milik sahabatnya di hadapan rumah orang tua sahabatnya.

Anisa membetulkan tudungnya yang sedikit tertarik kebelakang, ditepek bedak BB Cushion sedikit ke muka untuk menghilang minyak di mukanya selepas seharian bekerja. Dia keluar dari kereta lalu melangkah perlahan menuju ke pintu rumah orang tua sahabatnya.

"Assalamualaikum. Assalamualaikum."
Anisa menunggu orang di dalam rumah menyahut. Kedengaran ada orang sedang berbual-bual dengan nada perlahan di dalam. Selepas beberapa saat, pintu dibuka.

"Wa'alaikumusalam. Oh, Anisa rupanya. Auntie ingatkan siapalah tadi. Mari masuk, Anisa."
pelawa Auntie Zu.

"Terima kasih, Auntie."
balas Anisa dengan sopan. Anisa menanggalkan kasutnya di luar lalu melangkah masuk ke dalam rumah Semi-d dua tingkat milik keluarga sahabatnya.

"Duduk jap,ye. Auntie nak ke dapur sekejap."
pesan Auntie Zu, Anisa hanya mengiyakan sahaja.

"Uncle Ha pun ada?"
sapa Anisa ketika melihat Uncle Ha di ruang tamu.

Uncle Ha membalas dengan senyuman saja. Uncle Ha seorang yang kurang bercakap tetapi sangat murah dengan senyuman. Anisa sudah mengenali Uncle Ha sejak dia dibangku sekolah rendah. Anisa sangat mengagumi Uncle Ha dengan sifatnya yang dermawan tetapi sangat rendah hati pada sesiapa sahaja.

Anisa melabuhkan punggungnya di sofa, sementara menunggu Auntie Zu turut duduk bersama, Anisa membelek telefonnya. Terdapat beberapa whatsapp yang belum dibaca. Tanpa sempat Anisa meneruskan niatnya untuk membaca whatsapp itu, Auntie Zu datang menghampirinya dengan segelas air coklat panas di atas dulang kaca bersaiz kecil. Dari jauh sudah dapat bau aroma air coklat panas Auntie Zu. Air itu juga adalah air kegemaran sahabatnya sejak dulu lagi.

"Jemput minum, Anisa"
pelawa Auntie Zu sambil mengambil tempat disebelah Anisa.

"Terima kasih, Auntie. Hmm.. sedap seperti biasa air coklat ni"
puji Anisa ikhlas, Anisa meneguk air coklat tu sehingga separuh,

"Apa hajatnya kamu ke mari? Tak ada whatsapp Auntie dulu pun. Kalau tidak Auntie boleh lah Auntie buat kuih sikit untuk kamu."
kata Auntie Zu,

"Ish, tak perlu susahlah Auntie. Saya datang ni sekejap je. Dah lama tak jenguk Auntie dengan Uncle"
balas Anisa segan.

"Macam ini Auntie, saya datang ni sebab Aishah. Hmm, macam mana nak mula ye. Auntie tahu ke Aishah pergi ke mana?"
sambung Anisa memulakan topik utama kehadiran dia ke situ,

"Oh, pasal Aishah, Entahlah, Anisa. Kami ni pun pening kepala memikirkan pasal Aishah ni. Tapi dalam masa yang sama, kami ni kesian sangat dengan dia. Kami pun tak mampu nak buat apa-apa. Sebab itu semua melibatkan perasaan dia. Semalam masa dia berangkat ke luar negara, kami tidak ada kat sini. Auntie dengan Uncle pulang ke kampung sebab ada hal keluarga di sana. Adik Aishah yang hantar Aishah ke airport hari itu, Masa Aishah pergi, kami hanya tahu hasrat dia nak pergi ke luar negara melalui whatsapp je. Itupun dia dah ada dalam balai berlepas. Jadi tak sempat kami nak buat apa-apa, Dia minta izin dari kami nak tenangkan diri kat sana. "
ulas Auntie Zu panjang,

"Oh, Auntie tak tahulah dia ke mana? Saya ni risau sangat pasal dia. Mungkin dia sedih sangat tentang pemergian arwah Ejat agaknya."
duga Anisa dengan nada sedih.

"Kami tak tahu Aishah ke mana. Tapi, Auntie rasa, Auntie boleh agak dia ke mana. Satu-satu tempat yang boleh merawat luka di hati dia"
kata Auntie Zu dengan tenang.

Anisa berborak lama dengan Auntie Zu. Uncle Ha sejak tadi sudah pergi ke taman buatan sendiri di tepi rumahnya, Habis segelas air coklat panas Auntie Zu. Anisa menyatakan hasrat untuk beransur pulang.

"Auntie jaga diri ye. Saya minta izin pulang dulu sebab dah nak magrib ni. Nanti susah pula nak nampak jalan."
seloroh Anisa lalu menyalami tangan Auntie Zu.

"Yelah, baik-baik bawak kereta tu, Jangan laju-laju nak sampai pula,"
pesan Auntie Zu seperti kebanyakkan ibu-ibu di luar sana.

Sudah Anisa anggap Auntie Zu ni seperti ibu kandungnya,

"Auntie, kalau Aishah ada whatsapp dalam waktu terdekat ni. Auntie beritahu saya ye"
pinta Anisa.

"Baiklah, kamu juga. Kalau Aishah ada whatsapp kamu, update la kat Auntie. Terima kasih datang jenguk kami."
kata Auntie Zu lalu memberi lambaian pada Anisa.

"Sama-sama kasih. Kirim salam Uncle Ha ye. Bye, Auntie"
balas Anisa,

Hilang sahaja kereta Anisa dari bayangan Auntie Zu, baru Auntie Zu menutup pintu rumahnya. Auntie Zu bersyukur anaknya mempunyai sahabat sebaik Anisa yang selalu peduli pasal anaknya. Auntie Zu sudah menganggap Anisa seperti anaknya sendiri, apatah lagi semenjak ibu kandung Anisa telah meninggal dunia beberapa tahun yang lalu.

Anisa dalam kereta mengelamun seketika kerana mengenang sahabatnya.

'Aku tahu kau sedih, tapi jangan bawa hati lama-lama ye'
guman hati Anisa mengenangkan sahabatnya. Keperitan yang dahulu mula menghilang hadir kembali, parut yang dahulu mula sembuh berdarah semula. Anisa tidak menyangka begitu berat dugaan yang dihadapi Aishah. Tetapi, Anisa yakin Aishah adalah orang yang terpilih di antara ramai manusia, Aishah seorang wanita yang kuat sebab itu Allah pilih dia untuk diuji lagi dengan dugaan yang sama.

'Aku sentiasa doakan yang terbaik untuk kau, Aishah'
bisik Anisa.


























#bab4
#belumadanama
#novel

Baca bab sebelum:

Bab 12, 3,

Thursday, January 26, 2017

B.A.N || Bab 3

"Err, cik okey?"
"Cik?"
sergah lelaki itu.

'Eh, lama ke aku mengelamun? Ish, malunya..'
bisik hati Aishah.

"Ehem. Oh, this is your luggage? I am really sorry, I was on the phone just now. So, I was not focusing when I took that luggage. I thought it was mine."
jelas Aishah.

"Oh, I see. Never mind. So, here your luggage. May I take mine?"
kata lelaki itu dengan memulangkan luggage Aishah lalu menunjuk bagasi dia yang masih di atas troli Aishah.

Aishah senyum dan angguk.

"So, I have to leave now because I have important thing to do. Hopefully, we can meet sometime at somewhere. Okey? See you soon. Bye"
Ucap lelaki itu sebelum berlalu pergi.

Aishah hanya sempat membalas pelawaan lelaki itu dengan senyuman. Bayangan lelaki itu hilang dicelah orang ramai di lapangan terbang itu.

'Banyak juga luggage yang dia bawak? Pilot itu datang sini nak bercuti ke? Eh, yang aku nak sibuk sangat kenapa?'
hati Aishah bermonolog.

Aishah berjalan menuju ke pintu keluar. Dia ingin mengambil teksi untuk pergi ke guesthouse Mrs Silming. Aishah teringat perbualan dia dan Mrs Silming semasa masih dalam lapangan terbang tadi, logat Mrs Silming ada campuran chinese-british.

'Dia banyak merantau agaknya'
agak Aishah dalam hati.

Kereta kuning berhenti dihadapan Aishah, cermin tingkap kereta diturunkan. Pemandu kereta menyapa Aishah.

"Anyeonghasayo.. ne, where you want to go?"
sapa pemandu itu dengan lembut.

Aishah tersenyum lebar ketika mendengar logat pemandu itu yang sangat comel untuk didengar.

"Ajushi, can you bring me to this place?"
Aishah menunjukkan telefon pintarnya pada pemandu itu.

"Doemnida.. come come"
Ajushi pelawa Aishah masuk teksinya. Diangkatkan bagasi Aishah ke bonet belakang.

Aishah masuk ke dalam kereta, dia duduk di bahagian belakang. Aishah mengeluarkan sweaternya yang disimpan dalam beg sandang lalu dipakai. Suhu di luar lapangan terbang Incheon lebih sejuk dari suhu di dalam lapangan.

"Kamsahamnida. Ajushi, ireumi mwo yeyo?"
ramah Aishah dengan bahasa Korea.

Aishah sempat belajar bahasa korea dahulu untuk subjek tambahan semasa degree dulu. Tetapi, dia hanya tahu bahasa perbualan yang biasa-biasa. 

"Nae i reu meun Jeok Sik Hung. I can speak english. I learn from my passenger."
balas pemandu itu.

"Johseumnida, good ajushi! Not many korean people can speak good in english"
puji Aishah dengan bahasa mudah. "Ajushi, "today's whether is cold . Seoul will be winter soon, ne?

"Ne, snow will come down very soon. You muslim?"
tanya pemandu itu tiba-tiba.

"Ne, ajushi. I'm muslim."
jawab Aishah dengan senyuman.

"Oh, you wear scarf on your head"
balas pemandu itu dengan senyum juga.

Kereta sunyi sebentar. Aishah melemparkan pandangannya ke luar tingkap. Teksi yang dinaikinya sedang merentasi sebuah jambatan. Di bawah sana, mengalirnya sebuah sungai yang panjang.

'Cantiknya, warna air sungai tu'
bisik Aishah.

"This is Han River."
beritahu pemandu itu.

"Geurae yo? Yeppeuda, ajushi."
balas Aishah dengan nada gembira.

"You can jogging, every evening. Its good, very nice"
beritahu pemandu itu dengan ramah.

Aishah senyum. Han River ini mengingatkan dia tentang sesuatu yang pernah menjadi istimewa dalam hati dia. Keputusan dia untuk datang ke Kota ini semula adalah untuk mencari semula perasaan-perasaan yang dia pernah ada dahulu untuk memulihkan kelukaan yang sedang tersimpan dalam hatinya.

Aishah mengharap Kota ini dapat menyembuhkan dirinya semula seperti mana Kota ini dahulu pernah buat. Kota semangat, kota rawatan dan kota penyembuhan.

Birai matanya mula berair. Aishah cuba menahan ia dari terjatuh, tetapi dia tidak berdaya. Akhirnya mengalir juga air mata yang pertama untuk hari pertama kedatangan dia di sini. Mengalir bersama air yang mengalir di Han River. Dia hanya merelakan perasaan itu seketika.

'It's okey, Aishah. You'll be healed. It's just the matter of time.'
bisik hati Aishah.




















#bab3
#belumadanama
#novel

Baca bab sebelum:

Bab 1, 2,

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

how things are too frustrating

Bismillah

hai dear blog!
hmm
huh

sometime, I really feel I need someone to hear me
I won't ask too much from them
but, just hear me

I don't know how to put it in words
my heart is hurt right now
really hurt to be true
it feel like something sharp is stabbing my heart

I need someone who can hear me
hear what is inside my heart
hear what was burden me
it's okay, if they can't do anything for me
but, just to listen me solely

I just need that..

I have so many things I want to share,
thing I want to tell,
thing I want to let go,
but, I have no one who can really want to hear me.

so many people around me have thought that
I am strong enough to handle all my problems
I am too cool to face all the turbulence that come in my life
I am mature enough to deal with all the shits in this world
but, after all..
honestly, I am not!

people's expectations kill me
it drowned me
it scared me
it depressed me
it left me alone in my dark world

huh

I just can't bear it anymore
it is too hurt to be like this

I know people might say,
I am thinking too much with these stuff
but, then tell me how can I get off with all these stuff
if it is the things I have been drowned for so long?
it is all in my heart!

and maybe some people might say,
it is just my mindset
or it has something to do with my spiritual journey
huh, I don't know..

I really don't know..
because I don't have someone to tell me what it's okey and what it's not okey
I don't even have someone to talk to
I don't have someone who wants to hear me
I don't have someone who want to check me if I am okey or not
I have no one to be that someone

not even my family,
not even my friends,
everything with them, it just a good stories of me
because they only want to hear those things

no my flaws
no my weaknesses
no my cuts
no my brokenhearted
no my imperfection
no my bad, coldness and dying part

huhhh...

I just want to be with the one
who truly, willingly and sincerely want to handle all the NO's part in me
so that I can tell and share and open up everything inside me
and all the wounds will be healed
all the locks will be unlocked
all the holes will be filled
and the cold will be warmed
the tear will be wiped
the dark will be lighted up
the borders will be crashed

hmmm

I know..
my wish is too high to be reached
too hard to be fullfiled
maybe that someone I wish for
is doesn't even exist in this world

it is okey
I am just fine with these stuffs
I already bear it for so long
is okey to handle it for just little time more
life is shorter than we thought

if I don't have that someone
I still have that THE ONE
all for this while, He has handled me
when nobody hear me, He is the one who willing to listen everythings
though, I can't see Him
But I know He is always here with me

ain't?

Pantai Lampu'uk, Aceh.

Monday, January 23, 2017

B.A.N || Bab 2

'Ejat.. Kalau kau tak pergi dulu, aku mesti tak akan sedih macam ini.
Sunyi hidup aku tanpa kau, Ejat.
Ke mana lagi aku nak bawa luka ini, Ejat?
Siapa yang nak teman aku menangis lagi selepas ni?
Siapa yang nak membebel kat aku bila aku lupa nak makan tengahari?
Maafkan aku Ejat.
Buat roh kau tak tenang.
Sebab aku rindukan kau Ejat...'

Aishah menatap gambar polaroid yang tersimpan dalam buku diarinya. Gambar terakhirnya bersama Ejat dan rakan sekelas semasa kelas terakhir mereka untuk tahun akhir pelajar universiti di universiti terkemuka tanah air. Disentuh wajah Ejat yang hanya kaku digambar. Senyumannya yang tidak langsung menggambarkan itu adalah senyuman terakhir yang Aishah akan tatap untuk selama-lamanya.

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Incheon Airport, Seoul, South of Korea. Local time is 9.00 AM  and the temperature is 10 degree Celsius.
For your safety and comfort, please remain seated with your seat belt fastened until the Captain turns off the Fasten Seat Belt sign. This will indicate that we have parked at the gate and that it is safe for you to move about. Cellular phones may only be used once the Fasten Seat Belt sign has been turned off.
Please check around your seat for any personal belongings you may have brought on board with you and please use caution when opening the overhead bins, as heavy articles may have shifted around during the flight.
If you require deplaning assistance, please remain in your seat until all other passengers have deplaned. One of our crew members will then be pleased to assist you.
On behalf of flight MH66 Malaysian Airlines, I am Captain Haikal Riduan and the entire crew, we’d like to thank you for joining us on this trip and we are looking forward to seeing you on board again in the near future. Have a nice day!”


Selesai sahaja Kapten kapal membuat pengumuman, kelihatan semua penumpang sudah mula bangun dan mengambil barang masing-masing. Aishah masih duduk kaku sambil memegang erat buku diarinya. Gambar polaroid yang Aishah tatap tadi sudah disimpan semula ke dalam buku itu,

Lama.


"Cik, boleh saya bantu?"

Aishah tersentak dengan sapaan ramah dari salah seorang cabin crew.

"Oh, tak apa."
 Balas Aishah dengan senyuman.

Perut kapal terbang yang dinaikinya sudah mula kosong, tinggal Aisyah dan beberapa penumpang yang agak berusia di dalam kapal itu. 6 jam perjalanan dari Kuala Lumpur International Airport (KLIA) ke Incheon Airport, Seoul itu terasa agak memenatkan bagi Aishah.

'Huuuhhh..Bukan tubuh ini yang penat, 
yang dalam ini kot'
Bisik hatinya.

"Kamsahamnida." 
Flight attendant yang berwajah manis menanti di muka pintu kapal mengucapkan terima kasih padanya. Walaupun mereka penat bekerja, mereka masih lagi mampu memaniskan muka dan memberi layanan yang terbaik kepada semua penumpang. Aishah membalas ucapan mereka dengan senyuman dan ditundukan sedikit kepalanya sebagai tanda hormat.

Aishah berjalan menuju ke tempat pengambilan bagasi dengan berpandukkan signboard yang disediakan di lapangan terbang itu. Matanya ralit memandang keadaan sekelilingnya. Rasa rindu menerkam-nerkam hatinya.

Auch! Aishah meletakkan tangannya di dada. Dia terasa ada kepedihan di dalam itu. Huh. Aishah menarik nafas sedalam-dalamnya dan dihembus perlahan beberapa kali.






















'Take it easy, Aishah. You'll be okey soon. Fighting!'
Aishah memujuk dirinya.

Sementara menanti bagasinya keluar, Aishah mencari free wifi di sekitar kawasan itu kerana dia memerlukan internet untuk menghubungi pemilik guesthouse, tempat yang dia akan menginap untuk beberapa hari nanti.

'Alhamdulillah, berjaya connect'
Bisik Aishah dalam hati.

Berpusu-pusu notification masuk, bunyi tone notification seolah tidak mahu berhenti berbunyi. Aishah tidak mengendahkan whatsapp yang bertalu masuk, dia hanya ingin mencari nombor pemilik guesthouse tersebut dan menghubunginya melalui talian Kakao Talk. Pemilik guesthouse itu sempat pesan padanya untuk awal-awal lagi download applikasi Kakao Talk dari Malaysia untuk memudahkan mereka berhubung dan cuma memerlukan internet sahaja. Pesan pemilik itu lagi, di Seoul tidak perlu risau tentang internet kerana free wifi ada dimana-mana sahaja.

Beep~
Beep~
Beep~

Aishah menunggu pangilannya diangkat.

"Hello. Assalamualaikum. Anyohaseyo."
Pemilik guesthouse menyapa lembut dari hujung talian sana.

"Waalaikumusalam. Mrs Silming, this is Aishah. I want to inform you that I'd just arrived here, Incheon Airport. So, how do I want to go to your place? By cab or any public transport?"

"Oh, Cik Aishah. I'd just thinking about you. Then, out of sudden I've just received a call from you..."

Ketika Aishah sedang berbicara dengan Mrs Silming pemilik guesthouse, bagasi Aishah baru saja keluar dari kargo. Aishah bergegas ke depan mesin pemunggah bagasi yang sedang berpusing untuk mengambil dua bagasinya.  Satu besar, satu kecil. Ramai orang berkumpul disekeliling mesin itu. Sambil bercakap dengan telefon, tangan dia pantas bergerak mengangkat bagasinya ke troli. Selesai mengambi bagasinya, Aishah menarik trolinya keluar dari kesesakan khalayak ramai.

"Okey, Mrs Silming. InsyaAllah, I'll remember your instructions. When I arrive at the road you told me earlier , I'll inform you later. Thank you, Mrs Silming."

Selesai saja talian dimatikan.

"CIK!!"

Aishah terpinga-pinga. Dia seperti mendengar ada orang memanggilnya. Lalu dia menoleh ke belakang. Berderau darahnya melihat ada seorang lelaki berlari padanya.

'Alamak ada orang nak kejar aku. Kenapa kejar aku? Aku kena lari ke ni?'
Aishah sudah membuka langkah.

"CIK!!"

Aishah lari tercicit-cicit dari lelaki itu.

"CIK!! Jangan lari"
Jerit lelaki itu.

'Dari pengecaman suara, dia macam orang melayu. Eh, mestilah dia orang melayu. Kan tadi dia jerit jangan lari. Tak, yang aku lari ni kenapa?'
Otak Aishah bermonolog.

Terus saja Aishah memberhentikan langkahnya, lalu menoleh ke belakang sekali lagi. Tercungap-cungap lelaki itu bernafas menghampirinya. Perasaan kesian hadir dalam diri Aishah lalu dia mengutuk-ngutuk dirinya.

Lelaki itu berhenti dihadapan Aishah dengan jarak dua meter, cuba membetulkan nafasnya semula. Kasut hitam berkilat, seluar slack hitam langsung tidak kelihatan berkedut, kemeja lengen pendek warna putih, tali leher hitam terikat rapi dileher. Coat hitam dengan strip kuning dilengannya dipegang ditangan kanannya.

Sementara menunggu lelaki itu memulakan bicara, Aishah membuat scanning pada lelaki itu.

'Pilot ke?'
Bisik Aishah

"Cik, minta maaf kejar cik. Mungkin cara saya nampak suspicious sehingga menyebabkan cik lari. Tapi, saya nak beritahu yang cik terambil bagasi saya."
Beritahu lelaki itu sambil tangan ditundingkan pada bagasi kecil yang berada atas troli Aishah.

Aishah ternganga.
'Aku ni bermimpi ke?'























#bab2
#belumadanama
#novel

Baca bab seterusnya:

Bab 123